The worst part for me was that I had gained 10 pounds since the wedding. Ten pounds in three months. It doesn't sound like a whole lot, but it felt like an extra person - living in my skin and bossing me around, forcing me to envoke the "bottomless fries" rule at Red Robin or to order the large popcorn and large Coke combo at the movie theatre. I'm sure it didn't quite happen like that, but overnight my clothes seemed to become too small. Everywhere I looked I saw my protruding breasts (that don't seem to stop growing), my belly, my behind. At one point, Jason said to me as tactfully as he could, "I think your stomach actually sticks out farther than your chest now." Not the kindest words by any stretch of the imagination, but I wasn't offended. Instead, I ran to the full-length mirror to check. Sure enough, the breasts that had dominated my shape my entire life had receeded in the wake of the mound of jiggly flesh anchoring my torso. I sucked it in as best I could, but I knew once I grew tired and was forced to slouch, the mound would return.

It became increasingly difficult to find shirts that would extend beyong my waist and afford some level of camouflage to my stomach. For the last two weeks at my old job, I remember wearing nothing but t-shirts and jeans. Even on 80-degree days, I still put on my fleece jacket to cover up the bulge. The pair of Lane Bryant jeans that I had bought in college - my "fattie" jeans that had fit loosely enough to slide clear down my thighs - were now the only pair I could fit into without emptying my lungs or lying down; they still left a nice little saddlebag around my mid-section. I bought some skorts at Target and was forced to cross the threshold to size 16 and the plus-size department. Even as I made these purchases, I kept telling myself I wouldn't be able to wear them in a few weeks, because I was going to lose all the extra weight and be skinny. And I continued to gain.

Comments

[dietgirl]

ohhh sounds all too familiar. i loved this line, "the only pair I could fit into without emptying my lungs"... perfect description of it :)