skinnification

Reports of my death have been greatly exaggerated.

After several days of Metamucil, there was poo. But not any different poo than normal. So, we're still full speed ahead for the ultrasound. I'm just waiting until I get a couple paychecks under my belt so I can fork it over to the insanely high-priced temporary insurance company (temporary because once I'm permanent at work I'll be covered for free). I'm not too worried; since there's been no pain and discomfort of any kind, I'm inclined to think it's not serious, or at least not life-threatening.

Wedding plans have been giving me stress headaches. I'm so good at internalizing stress that I have to vomit before you'd know something was wrong. Jason can tell a bit earlier -- I get a glazed-over far-off look, I talk more softly, and I have trouble paying attention -- but I'm one of those who smiles through the pain. When we went car shopping last weekend, I kept eyeing the trash cans on the car lots to see if I could fit my head in them, just in case. To ease the burden of planning a long-distance wedding in a (relatively) short amount of time. I've started remotely interviewing wedding consultants. I've got the general vision and lots of the little details nailed down, and I don't need someone to do everything for me. I just need someone who can make sure the florist doesn't stiff me and the reception site contract includes table linens. I need a man on the street. Hopefully I can find someone who fits our budget.

After two weeks away, I finally got back to the fitness center on Monday for some strength training and some cardio on the elliptical. It felt good, but working out after work is going to be an adjustment. I have a 40-minute drive home, which gets me to our apartment at almost 6. If I don't start dinner, Jason starves. And there's laundry and cleaning and all sorts of things to fit in. I know I'll figure it out, but it might take a little bit to find a groove. On the upside, I am definitely eating better now that I have to pack my lunch -- salads, hard-boiled eggs, yogurt. The first few days at work were hard because we have a stocked fridge and pantry full of snacks and Coke, and everything is 25 cents. But I've said no, and I mean it. I have to order my dress by November, which means I have to lose some weight before then. The good news about my job is that it's easy to work in more walking. I'm on the second floor, and I have to walk down to the design and marketing departments on the first floor several times a day. I also have to go out to our warehouse, also downstairs, just as often. I've met some women at work who go for walking breaks twice a day, and they've invited me to join them. Things are good.

And when I weighed on Monday, I had lost the pound I gained in Texas. So, once again, I'm holding steady at 189.

We're back from our week in the sauna that is Texas, and I've only gained a half-pound and about 20 mosquito bites. Not too bad since my father's house is stocked entirely in junk food and fatty raw meat.

Since I'll have to be at work every morning at 8, my workout routine is being forced to shift to the evening. Which is fine, I suppose. I'll just have to do some research and figure out when most of the people in my complex are working out and schedule accordingly. The fewer thin blondes in sports bras and short shorts on the machines with me, the better. I also have to get into the habit of packing my healthy lunch and snacks in the morning. Haven't done that in a while. It feels sort of like I'm going back to school.

I scheduled my annual exam at Planned Parenthood for yesterday, the day after our return from Texas, since I'm about to go into "brown week" and they don't like doing exams then. At my last annual exam, they had a hell of a time finding my cervix and had to use a long speculum after they discovered my cervix and uterus are "tilted" or "shifted" -- most people's cervix is closer to their back and the uterus moves diagonally from there toward the front of the body; mine is just the opposite. Last year, once they switched speculum, they had no trouble finding the cervix and getting the pap smear. This time, after I told the nurse in advance what was up, she still had trouble. She kept bumping into something inside my pelvis. She called another nurse in, and then watched while the second nurse used her fingers to "look around" and then went in with the speculum again. She finally found the cervix, very high and, unusually, off to the right. Whatever the first nurse had been bumping into was pushing my uterus and cervix out of its way, and its not supposed to be there. So, in rapid succession, I will be securing medical insurance and having a pelvic ultrasound to see what's going on inside me. At first, they thought it might just be a bowel movement or something, but after doing a (UGH.) rectal exam for good measure, they couldn't confirm that's what it was. And to add insult to injury (as if 45 minutes in stirrups wasn't enough), they took my blood pressure after the pelvic exam -- when I was just starting to freak out about a having a "pelvic mass of unknown origin". 130/94. Slightly high. No birth control prescription refill for me. And the nurse told me I have to "eat right and exercise, maybe lose some weight." If only she knew.

I called my mom later in the day, and we have a plan of action: lots of Metamucil with my Gatorade, to get rid of the mass if it is, in fact, a bowel movement; insurance research, to find something that will cover me temporarily (to avoid a pre-existing condition later if the mass is serious and I pay for the ultrasound out of pocket); and a cheap blood pressure test in a few days at Walgreen's or something, giving me time to calm down and recover from being at sea level for a week. Hopefully, I can do a big poo and go back next weekend to get a clean bill of health. It would mean another pelvic exam, but a second opinion never hurts. Especially if it means there's not something growing in my pelvic cavity.

Who's hungry?

It's been a busy couple of days. Finishing up a freelance job, interviews, and getting ready to leave town. But there's all sorts of big news to announce. And it's all over there.

I'm terribly giddy.

So giddy I accidentally deleted a post. Whoops.

8.4 Recap

Steps: 4139

I avoided the fitness center for the second day in a row, deciding instead to do some Pilates at home and stay off my ankle. I had a nice lunch at California Pizza Kitchen (a half-order chicken Caesar salad) with my freelance client, and then Jason and I went to Galyan's and picked up a jump rope. This month's Fitness magazine has a 10-minute jump rope workout that I'd like to fit into my day in the evenings; jumping rope burns an insane amount of calories in a short time, and I'd like to relive the glory of my days on my elementary school jump rope team. I figured it'd also be a good way to get in some cardio while I'm away from the gym next week when I go back to Texas to visit my dad. Plus, he lives on a ranch. I'm sure there are places to walk and/or jog there somewhere.

My fancy motion-control shoes arrived yesterday, and I wore them around the apartment for a few hours to make sure they fit. And they do. So, during my workout this morning, I did a nice 30 minutes on the treadmill with no pain or fatigue. Well, relatively little pain. My bum ankle sticks out to the inside of my right foot a bit, and the top of the shoe happens to rub on the bump when I walk. It's annoying, but that's about it. Walking in these fancy shoes will take some getting used to; I'm so used to turning my feet in that when they're actually held in a normal position, I feel like I'm going to fall down for lack of balance. After the treadmill, I did 15 minutes on the elliptical (the sweat kept me from going longer; I forgot my towel and I hate feeling all sticky) and then a nice, long circuit on the weight machines.

There are two older ladies who come in about the same time I do every morning. We usually say good morning to each other, but today they were feeling chatty, and they decided to get to know me since we see each other every day. So, Barbara and Melanie, thanks for including me. It helps me keep going, knowing I've got some friends going alongside.

In my inbox this morning were the dates for the 2004 Breast Cancer 3-Day. Here they are*:

Arizona - October 22 - October 24
Boston - July 30 - August 1
Chicago - August 27 - August 29
Detroit - August 20 - August 22
Minneapolis - September 10 - September 12
New York - August 6 - August 8
Washington, D.C. - August 13 - 15

*Los Angeles, San Diego and San Francisco are having event as well, but the dates for those won't be announced until November, when the 2003 events in those cities take place.

I'm determind to do one of these (I would have done the LA one this year, but I didn't think I had enough time to train or get my ankle worked out), and I think it'd be swell if I had some of my fellow [weight] losers walking alongside. So, anyone want to form a team? We could decided on an event city and take it from there.

If you're into Pilates like I am, Gaiam has some great stuff you might want to pick up in their Outlet Sale. I snagged a travel yoga mat for $5.99 and a BodyBall and BodyBand kit with a ton of stuff in it for $12.99. I'm still lusting after the TriCord To Go kit and the side-slit capris, which are on sale, and the BodyCircles and Balance Ball set, which are not.

Recap

8.1 Steps: 15176
8.2 Steps: 12613

Thank you for all the kind words for me and my family. Jason and I are heading back to Texas a week from Monday to spend a few days in San Antonio with my father on his ranch. All things considered, I'm doing remarkably well. I mentioned to my mom that I'm in some weird state of denial and shock, and I don't think it will sink in until I actually my dad looking much older than his years with tubes coming out of his back. She said it was the same way when her father died; she didn't realize how bad it was until she went to see him. The last time I saw my father almost four years ago, he was a tall, rugged cowboy with leathery skin and strength to spare. I'm afraid of what he looks like now.

My workout yesterday left my ankle a little more sore than normal (I had to cut my treadmill workout short because I started limping), so today I grudgingly skipped working out to take it easy and sleep in. My motivation will probably get the best of me and I'll spend an hour or so bouncing between the bike and elliptical later this evening. Weigh-in is tomorrow morning, and I've managed to stay at the exact same weight as last week. Comfort food is my enemy.

7.31 Recap

Steps: 11737

Sluggish workout this morning. 15 minutes on the elliptical, a slow 30 on the treadmill doing some incline work, and 10 on the bike.

There's good news and bad news in Julie's camp. The good news: I have a small freelance design job thanks to one of the placement firms I interviewed with, and an interview for a full-time gig thanks to the other. When it rains it pours. And the bad news: I found out this morning my father is dying of prostate cancer.